Woman Says Her Husband Who Won’t Let Teen Daughters Show Off ‘Cleavage’ Is ‘Slut Shaming’ Them

A mother writing in to an advice column accused her husband of “slut shaming” the couple’s teen daughters because he disapproved of them wearing revealing clothing.

The concerned mom – identified by the pseudonym, Trying to Raise Confident Women in L.A. – reached out to Care and Feeding, Slate’s parenting advice column.

Explaining in a letter published on Sunday that her daughters wear uniforms during the school day, but “like to dress in short shorts and halter tops” at other times, she said her husband expects his wife to be “responsible for policing” the appropriateness of the girls’ clothing.

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“But I am not comfortable with the implied slut-shaming of criticizing their clothing as ‘too sexy,'” the advice seeker wrote, adding that she tries to “keep them dressed appropriately for where they are going” and has taught her teenagers “to always have a sweatshirt to cover themselves with if they get skeeved out by someone.”

“Am I wrong to let them dress as they want even if they have cleavage or their shorts are quite short?” she queried.

According to Michelle Herman, the advice columnist who pens Care and Feeding, it’s the girls’ father who is being unreasonable.

The woman’s “unease” about her husband’s “implied slut-shaming is completely justified,” Herman averred.

“Your daughters’ bodies belong to no one but themselves, and they are entitled to clothe those bodies as they choose. So not only are you not wrong, you’re also not required to justify this to your husband,” Herman added.

Predicting that the man would “push back against the very idea that the bodies of these young women are not his to control,” Herman suggested a different tactic: “I would suggest that you tell him that the problem is not what women wear.”

The problem, Herman opined, “is men who don’t mind their own business about” what women are wearing.

“Let’s all say this together now, over and over again until everyone understands it: It’s not women’s—or girls’—clothes that make them unsafe; it’s men’s behavior toward them,” she added.

The war on slut shaming

One of the most fiercely debated issues in feminism’s struggle against the patriarchy is the effect societal norms have on oppressing women’s sexuality. Feminists have consistently decried traditional values as sexist, outmoded and oppressive attempts to control their bodies.

Spearheaded by feminists, the sex-positivity movement has gone well beyond combatting “slut shaming” to celebrating overt displays of female sexuality.

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Conservative critics have bemoaned the weakening of traditional gender norms, including female modesty. And other feminists have agreed, warning that their lascivious counterparts are playing into the hands of the patriarchy.

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