‘Lean on Me,’ ‘Imagine,’ and ‘The Piña Colada Song’ – Opinion

Admit it – there are songs you secretly hate.

I’ve always hated  “Lean on Me” by Bill Withers. This song is often associated with high school football’s silly routine. Before every game, one of our coaches would play that song to “inspire” the team. Sure, “lean on me” sounds like a nice entreat for a Rudy moment, but when you hear it more than twice before a football game it doesn’t inspire anything but nausea. To avoid this brain-numbing repetition, I left the locker room. It made me mad. I still do.

I’ve always reviled John Lennon’s “Imagine.” Nothing turns my stomach or makes me turn a channel faster, or compels me to walk out of the room like that clammy parade of platitudes. I hated it before I knew what a leftist favorite it was — and it is definitely a leftist theme song.

John Lennon was a multi-millionaire domestic abuser when he wrote of “no possessions” and “living life in peace.” It’s a nonsensical, nihilistic ballad wrapped in Marxism. It’s about as deep as a beauty contestant answering “world peace” as her ambition. Beyond “no property,” Lennon wished for “no religion,” and the world being cobbled together into a one-world order. The Soviet vision of mankind is a “no” from me. It’s a god-awful song, too.

Notwithstanding, my favorite song-to-hate is “The Piña Colada Song.”

The guy lies next to his girl. He’s tired of his “lady.” Back in that “day,” one apparently sought an affair through newspaper ads. He only writes what he desires. These are his lyrics. The highlights, however, are quite simple.

This dolt wants a woman who fancies a sugary, rum drink popular with tourists who usually order it because well, they’re on vacation. He wants a half-wit who isn’t into yoga. And his final item to check on the resume – she must want to have sex on a sandy dune, at midnight. Maybe if you’re loaded on a half-dozen piña coladas, it would be a “once on vacation” thing. But this dude apparently wants that as his ‘go-to.’

He desires to leave his present “lady,” and he places the ad for a new hookup. One woman replies. She is open to meeting. She says she likes champagne and sugary vacation drinks. She doesn’t want him if he’s into healthy food, however.  He meets his “new love” at “O’Malley’s,” but it’s his “old lady.”  She admits that she “never knew” these things about him – thus confirming she’s a half-wit.

This song was originally recorded in 1979. I think this passion play played out after about six months, then they went back to the “same old dull routine.” They “made love” on a sandy beach, and got bored with it. Both of them got caught up in the rain too many times and also drank too much. They married after a piña coladas- drenched night, and divorced after a year.

Both ended up in difficult situations after not having much success. He’s living on Social Security, in a trailer, down by the river. What about the woman? Well, partly because she wasn’t into healthy food, she’s about 100 lbs. overweight and diabetic. She still works – as an IHOP waitress off Interstate 10. But, she’s still into sugary drinks and cats.

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