Godless ‘Gossip Girl’ Teens Have Threesome in Front of Chapel Crucifix

The irony! On Thanksgiving Day, HBO Max brought back something we’re very much Not Thankful for: Three more episodes of the graphic, raunchy and perverted Gossip girl reboot. This time the show managed to mix Christianity with its smut, featuring a threesome in a chapel in front of a crucifix and a main character’s gay dad dating a reverend.

In episode 7, “Once Upon a Time in the Upper West,” Audrey (Emily Alyn Lind) and her boyfriend Aki (Evan Mock) are having sex in their private high school’s chapel, but they haven’t been able to feel very aroused with each other ever since having a threesome with their extremely promiscuous and bisexual friend Max (Thomas Doherty).

Audrey complains about the way Aki is looking at her, but Aki replies, as Jesus on the crucifix is clearly in his sight, “It’s either eye contact with you or Jesus, and He does not seem into this.” After trying different positions without success, they end up inviting Max to the chapel to help them and another threesome ensues. As the three are lying naked on the floor after they finish, Max points up at the ceiling and remarks, “We gotta clean that up before stained glass takes on a whole new meaning.” Gross.

 

Episode 9, “Blackberry Narcissus” featured a scene where Max comes home to find one of his gay fathers, Gideon (Todd Almond), having drinks with a reverend named Raul who is his newest love interest. Max’s other father Roy (John Benjamin Hickey) left Gideon because he was becoming more and more feminine, but he has since expressed a desire to reconcile. Max is not only upset that Gideon is dating other people, but Max also points out that he himself has been with 70% of “that demographic,” so they could have ended up sleeping with the same man:

Gideon: Max! Your Friday delivery was a sign of God’s Love.

Max: No, I rescheduled.

Gideon: That’s Raul.

Max: Can you work with each other?

Gideon wrote: Raul is now a good friend. We, uh… We had lunch.

Max: You’re now having drinks.

Gideon, would you please excuse us for just a second?

Raul: I’m sure. Let me get some water. Max, I’m glad to have met you.

Max: Hmm. Max: Hmm.

Gideon: Max.

Max: It’s a good thing, though. It’s because there is a 70% chance that I could in this area. And then, how would you feel about it?

Gideon: Raul can be a friend. There’s nothing more. This is it for now.

Max: Does this mean that Pops is on a completely different path? Do you think he knows that this is the path for you? Is he sure that this is the path you need?

Gideon: I know your dad is not with you right now.

Max: I believe so, although it was not my intention to pursue a new life.

Gideon: We have agreed to meet other people.

Max: Pops is still not allowed to get things back on track.

Gideon: No, honey. No. It’s not something you can do. There are some people who live their entire lives in this uncomfortable situation, and…your dad and me, we will not do the same to each other.

Max: That’s what I see.

Gideon: It’s not necessary to move. Raul, I and you can both go.

Max: No, no, no, no, no. Don’t worry. You can have your house.

Roy: Hey, there.

Max: What did you know about Dad seeing someone?

Roy: Max is free to do what he likes. Only I requested that it not be disclosed to me. Now I am.

Max: I really am fucking with this whole thing.

Roy: Son, it was already fifked up.

Well, Gossip girl These bigotry, perversion and violence are at the root of all human suffering Use this site. You did one thing right. It was already… we’ll say “messed” up to put it in milder language. This entire show is a mess. We can only pray that HBO Max does not attempt to reboot this awful kiddie porn show, particularly for the benefit of their targeted audience, underage teens.

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