Domestic abuse, also called “domestic violence” or “intimate partner violence,” is a pattern of behavior in any relationship that is used to gain or keep power and control over an intimate partner. Abuse is when someone is hurt physically, sexually, emotionally, financially, or psychologically, or when they are threatened to be hurt in these ways. This includes any actions that scare, threaten, frighten, terrorize, hurt, shame, blame, hurt, or wound someone. Anyone of any race, age, sexual orientation, religion, or gender can be abused at home. It can happen in any kind of relationship, whether a couple is married, living together, or just going out on dates. Domestic violence affects people from all walks of life and all levels of education.
Domestic violence can happen to anyone, no matter their age, race, gender, sexual orientation, faith, or class. Domestic abuse can also happen to a child, a relative, or anyone else who lives in the same house. Domestic abuse usually looks like a pattern of abusive behavior toward a close friend or family member, where the abuser tries to control and dominate the victim. Abuse in the home can be mental, physical, financial, or sexual. Incidents rarely happen by themselves, and they usually get worse and happen more often. Abuse in the home can lead to serious injuries or even death.
where violence comes from
At the moment, the oldest signs of violence that have been found are those related to cannibalism. On Paleolithic human bones, there are signs of disarticulation, emaciation breaking, and calcination. This practice, which started around 780,000 years ago in the Sierra de Atapuerca Mountains in Spain, was kept up by other nomadic hunter-gatherer societies of the Paleolithic age and by Neolithic Agro-Pastoralists. But the fact that one person did something to another person’s body makes me wonder if the victims were killed before they were eaten. Dietary cannibalism can even be done on people who are already dead. This is called “funeral endocannibalism,” and it means eating a family member who has died.
The only way to prove that the people who were eaten were killed violently is to find signs of beheading on their bones or injuries caused by projectiles or blunt objects hitting them before they died. In less than thirty cases from the Paleolithic period, these marks were seen. The question still stands: Did the “eaters” and the “eaten” come from the same group? Even though cannibalism, both for food and rituals, has been found at a number of Paleolithic sites, it is often hard to tell if it was endocannibalism or exocannibalism.
Are You a Victim of Abuse?
- Think about the answers to the following questions in light of how you currently are treated as well as how you currently treat your partner.
- How to tell if someone is abusing you at home
- Make fun of you or embarrass you in front of your friends or family?
- Write down what you’ve done?
- Make you feel like you are unable to make decisions?
- Use fear or threats to get people to do what you want?
- Tell you that without them you are nothing?
- Grab you, push you, pinch you, shove you, or hit you?
- Call you several times at night or show up to make sure you’re where you said you’d be?
- Use drugs or alcohol as an excuse to hurt you or treat you badly?
- blame you for what they think or do?
- Put sexual pressure on you for things you’re not ready for?
- Make you feel like you can’t leave the relationship?
- Stop you from doing things you want, like spending time with friends or family?
- After a fight, try to keep you from leaving or leave you somewhere to “teach you a lesson”?
The Wheel of Power and Control
The most obvious forms of domestic abuse and violence are physical and sexual assaults or threats to do them. These are usually the things that make other people aware of the problem. But when the abuser does other harmful things on a regular basis and backs them up with one or more acts of physical violence, they are part of a larger system of abuse. Even though physical attacks may only happen once or a few times, they make the victim afraid of more attacks and give the abuser control over the victim’s life.
The Power & Control wheel is a great way to see the overall pattern of abusive and violent behaviors that an abuser uses to gain and keep control over his or her partner or any other victim in the home. A lot of the time, these other kinds of abuse happen along with one or more violent acts. They are harder to spot, but they set up a clear pattern of fear and control in the relationship.
Emotional abuse is when someone hurts someone else’s sense of self-worth by constantly criticizing them, putting down their skills, calling them names or using other forms of verbal abuse, hurting their relationship with the children, or not letting them see their friends and family. You may be in an emotionally abusive relationship if your partner:
- Calls you names, insults you, or criticizes you all the time.
- Doesn’t trust you and acts like they own you or are jealous of you.
- tries to keep you from seeing your family and friends.
- Keep an eye on where you go, who you call, and who you spend time with.
- Does not want you to work.
- controls money or doesn’t want to share it.
- You are punished by not being loved.
- wants you to ask permission first.
- Threatens to hurt you, your kids, your family, your pets, or all of the above.
- Puts you down in any way.
Types of Domestic Abuse
Here are the following types of Domestic Abuse are:
Psychological abuse
Psychological abuse includes making someone afraid by scaring them, threatening to hurt themselves, their partner, or their children physically, destroying pets and property, playing “mind games,” or forcing them to stay away from friends, family, school, or work.
Financial or economic abuse
Financial or economic abuse is when someone is made financially dependent on them or they try to do this by keeping full control over their money, not giving them access to money, and/or not letting them go to school or work.
Physical abuse
A partner is physically abused when they are hit, kicked, burned, grabbed, pinched, pushed, slapped, pulled their hair, bit, denied medical attention, forced to consume alcohol or drugs, or subjected to other physical force. Your partner may be physically violent against you if they:
- You are pushed, slapped, bit, kicked, or choked.
- Leaves you alone in a dangerous or strange place.
- When angry, he or she breaks things (throws objects, punches walls, kicks doors, etc.).
- Scares you by driving in a dangerous way.
- Threatens or hurts you with a weapon.
- Makes you leave where you live.
- Keeps you from leaving your house or keeps you there.
- stops you from calling the police or getting help from a doctor.
- Your kids will get hurt.
Sexual abuse
Sexual abuse is when a partner is forced to do something sexual even if they don’t want to. Your relationship may be sexually abusive if your partner:
- You of cheating or is often jealous of your relationships with people outside of your relationship.
- Wants you to wear clothes that are sexual.
- insults you sexually or calls you names that are sexual in nature.
- Has ever made you have sex or do sexual acts against your will or by tricking you?
- Holds you down while you have sex.
- Demands to have sex with you when you are sick, tired, or after beating you.
- During sex, uses weapons or other things to hurt you.
- Gets other people involved in your sexual activities.
- Doesn’t care about how you feel about sex.
Stalking is any pattern of actions that don’t have a good reason and are meant to harass, annoy, or scare the victim. Stalking often involves repeated phone calls, unwanted letters or packages in the mail, and watching the victim at work, at home, and in other places where they are known to go. Usually, stalking gets worse.
Conclusion
One of the most horrible forms of abuse that women in our society currently face is that which occurs within the home. It makes no difference who the victim is in terms of their color, faith, religion, or standing in society; anyone can become a victim of domestic abuse. If the problem of domestic violence is not addressed in a way that is adequate, then this kind of abuse will persist among all classes of society without ever coming to an end. In order for us as a society to be successful in eradicating this heinous form of abuse, we need to band together and enact more stringent laws that will protect those who are abused in this manner.
To help you understand the difference between a trauma bond and genuine love, watch the Scars of Abuse episode from our Tales from the Unfortunate series today!
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