Cartel Monkeys, Prisoner Sensitivity, and Insensitive Sausage Queens – Opinion

Our weekly recognition of less-than-meritorious excellence in journalism worthy of a skewed version of Pulitzer Prize consideration.

Townhall has also added a media-mocking component. Taken from the HeadlinesWe recognize once more the outstanding journalism achievements and collect worthy submissions to the Pulitzer Prize Board in many categories. Let’s not forget the journalistic failures that are often overlooked.

 

The Distinguished Explanatory Reporting

  • Maysoon Kahn – Associated Press

With crime running rampant across New York, Governor Kathy Hochul has taken a bold step – she wants prisoners to stop feeling ashamed. In a move that will eventually fix nothing, the governor announced the state will now refrain from calling convicted prisoners “inmates,” changing their designation to “incarcerated person.” Khan explains how this ennobling effect will work.

These changes were signed Monday by Governor. Kathy Hochul is aiming to decrease stigma associated with being in prison. 

 

Distinguished National Reporting

This refers to the act or taking action of gazlightingAll new lows. CNN wanted to be part of the chorus that is trying to convince us the economy is doing well. Isidore makes a lame attempt to convince us that gas prices today aren’t as high as they were a month ago. Today, gas prices are not as high as they used to be, but it is still painful. We should therefore feel satisfied with this result.

 

Distinguished Editorial Writing

  • Simon Jenkins – The Guardian

The “freedom through oppression” vibe is strong with this one. It’s hard to find much else to say about the columnist, radio broadcaster and author of this Orwellian proposition.  

 

Internationally Distinguished Reporting

Recent cartel violence in Mexico has seen a few gunfights that resulted countless deaths. One involved a cartel member – a monkey found wearing a camo jacket and a bulletproof vest. 

 

Distinguished Cultural Commentary

  • Zach Seemayer – Entertainment Tonight

There has been all manner of criticism and scorn heaped upon the recent Disney+ release, “She-Hulk: Attorney At Law,” but we need to appreciate all the efforts that went into the making of this…boondoggle. This production was a labor of love for all the performers.

Jameela Jamil shared a story about an injury she suffered while filming.

“Oh, I did it all! I did it all,” Jamil said of her involvement with the action scenes and stunt sequences. “I was hurting in a place that I really didn’t know exists. Like, you’ll probably have to bleep this out, but I pulled a muscle in my a**hole,” she added. “I didn’t know that was possible!”

 

Outstanding Local Reporting

Dateline – Bucyrus, Ohio. Controversy has swirled around Abigail Brocwell, Queen of the Bratwurst Festival. There has been turmoil at the Court for some time. The Queen and her immediate court were directed to give their crowns to the pageant officials. Although details are still sketchy, it seems Brocwell went to a Baltimore festival that was not sanctioned. Brocwell must surrender her crown, despite the fact that she was there as a civilian, not Bratwurst Festival representative.

  • Crawford County Now learned from Brocwell that she was required to return the gift money received by sponsors at the festival, or be charged with criminal offenses.

 

The Joe Biden Award for Outstanding Coverage in Frozen Desserts

  • Aly Walensky – Food Network

A confectionary relief may be possible after we have just endured the devastating news that the Choco Taco was closing its doors. Miller Lite will team up with an ice-cream company in order to make ice-cream bars that replicate the taste of dive bars. That is not a typo, meaning to write the famous “Dove Bars”. Miller brewing does not intend to give you the tastes of spent peanut shells, with a smokey aftertaste.

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