The Pulitzer Prize Parody Nominations

Our weekly recognition of less-than-meritorious excellence in journalism is worthy of Pulitzer consideration.

As an extension of the media-mocking venture at Townhall, Riffed From The Headlines, we once again recognize the exalted performances in our journalism industry and compile worthy submissions to the Pulitzer Prize board in numerous categories. Let’s get to the best examples of journalistic failure-excellence in order to properly identify the low watermark in journalism.

Distinguished Cultural Commentary

• Joshua Zitser — Business Insider

Stephanie Matto, an influencer and ex-reality star was able to start a successful side hustle. The cheeky actress offered her packaged vapes to her loyal fans. This netted her a tidy revenue stream, in excess of $200,000, but it also netted her a hospital stay as she fell…er…behind, in meeting the demand.

She made the smart decision to make NFT available for her gazeous products. You can now pay her in Etherium for her ethereal emissions.

Matto, 31, made headlines around the world when she announced that she’d have to retire from selling her farts in jars.

Her statement was that she was in hospital because of the high demand. 🏥https://t.co/27gXXiui0s

— Tech Insider (@TechInsider) January 8, 2022

Outstanding Local Reporting

• Michele Solomon — WPLG 10 News

There is a growing trend of smash-and grab robberies across the nation. They put an unusual Florida twist on this crime spree in Broward County. The thieves have already targeted one Walgreens and succeeded in stealing it multiple times. As they seem to only be interested in electronic toothbrushes theft, the brazen bandits sport a wide smile.

Nothing to smile about as toothbrush bandits rip off Tamarac store https://t.co/1t69rP6Z3H

— Louis Aguirre (@LouisWPLG) January 8, 2022

The Distinguished Explanatory Writing

• Jonathan Chait — New York Magazine

Chait, a deep thinker and strategist suggests that D.C.’s restaurants would benefit from stricter ordinances following the Omicron outbreak. So…cutting off a portion of your customer base, and believing people will travel long distances in order to be harassed over proper documents is supposed to lead to greater success? Nearby Virginia restaurants that continue to accept everyone will also suffer.?

Jonnie overlooks the fact that vaccines for the vaccinated should not be given to the unvaccinated. But there you are.

DC will benefit if unvaccinated diners prefer Virginia to DC.

— Jonathan Chait (@jonathanchait) January 20, 2022

Distinguished National Reporting

Although I don’t know how many women have looked in the deli for wrinkle-resolving products, there are a lot. Oscar Meyer produced a face mask. It was so successful that Amazon sold out almost instantly. This product’s packaging and appearance make me think it will be a problem for those who have been duped by Tide Pods.

If the thought of using a slice of bologna as a moisturizing face mask was tempting, you’re out of luck — for now https://t.co/93r04yIMQl

— CNN (@CNN) January 20, 2022

Distinguished Investigative Reporting

• Patricia Murphy, Greg Bluestein, Tia Mitchell — Atlanta Journal-Constitution

The AJC discovered a new measure to assess the viability and potential success of the upcoming Senate candidates. Now, political aspirations can be derailed by…(checks updated standards)…Instagram follow lists. The paper operating in the state capital has broken open a scandal of immeasurable proportions – that is, it is enough of a non-scandal as to defy measure. The paper decided to go through the Instagram account of Senate candidate Herschel Walker, and they have found a number of followed accounts that…uh, well, I guess the reporters did not like…it seems?

“A review of Senate candidate Herschel Walker’s Instagram account shows he follows several accounts with links to racy material. The name of one account is not appropriate for a family newsletter. https://t.co/6a0N15wb6Y

— Kirk A. Bado (@kirk_bado) January 18, 2022

Distinguished Cultural Commentary

• Lisa Respers France — CNN

At first glance, including a story on learning that actress Meryl Streep is a fan of the TV show “Real Housewives” seems frivolous. What elevates (diminishes) this factoid is that Streep delivered this bon mot detail during a press junket for the Netflix film release, “Don’t Look Up,” a satirical polemic about climate change. The Oscar nominee admitted that she didn’t follow Hollywood’s advice about the environment. “It’s right now. It’s happening right now,” Streep said. “And what do I do? I go in and watch ‘The Housewives of Beverly Hills.’ I do that.”

Meryl Streep watches ‘The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills’https://t.co/tk2bi7FhRT

— CNN France (@CNNFrancePR) January 14, 2022

Distinguished Fact-Checking 

Washington, D.C. has imposed toughened COVID regulations. Mr. Dale wants to ensure that the right information is out there. Marsha Blackburn, Republican Senator from Georgia, and Ron Johnson were cited for incorrectly presenting this new law. He stated that Senators Marsha Blackburn and Ron Johnson should have fully researched the new law before making the tweets. That they directly quoted the Mayor of D.C., Muriel Bowser, was of little concern, and Bowser incorrectly describing her own ordinance earned no lecture on doing proper research…about what she wrote herself.

CNN’s Daniel Dale Slams Republicans but Not the Democrat They Are Quoting https://t.co/sj4WSVJHmi

— RedState (@RedState) January 17, 2022