Our World of Failed Relationships Gives Birth to the ‘Divorce Registry’ – Opinion

Like society, love evolves. Thanks to our modern matrimonial mode, there’s a budding trend that’s surely set to surge.

I have a friend who’s repeatedly crossed the continent to attend weddings. In airfare, hotel stay, attire, gifts and incidentals, she’s spent several thousands to witness family and friends tie the knot.

Often, she’s taken part in the ceremonies.

But her Cupid-struck compadres would’ve done well to learn the clove hitch: Those knots, as it turned out, were quite loose. Nearly every nuptial ended in divorce.

A mutual friend has suggested she’s owed compensation. He sees it as a social contract. She paid cash on the assumption that marriages would continue.

But relationships are complicated, and now a new social phenomenon is set to plunge my gallivanting gal pal further into debt: Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the “divorce registry.”

As reported by the New York Post, two companies — Fresh Starts Registry and Divorcist — are helping divorcees put together their newly-swingin’ single lives:

When the moment is right, [idea] of a registry has expanded beyond weddings and baby showers to everything from getting a puppy to Galentine’s Day, these sites want to normalize, and streamline, the process of restocking a home after it’s split apart.

So you may have lost a spouse, but you’re bound to gain a blender.

Speaking to the Post, Fresh Starts Registry founder Olivia Dreizen Howell laments, “There’s no place that celebrates these big life changes.”

Olivia found herself in a lonely place eight years ago — all by herself without a toothbrush holder.

She’d shared everything with her husband, including that.

It was pivotal, she said, to buy a new model.

“It was such a pivotal moment. I thought, ‘Why isn’t there a place that people can go and get product recommendations and celebrate this change, while bringing their community in?’”

“We tend to celebrate babies and weddings,” Olivia notes, “but not everything else in between.”

People who have lost their loved ones, she feels, might benefit from a helping hand. Perhaps a Keurig.

“It’s so overwhelming to go through a divorce. And on top of that, someone takes half your kitchen items and you have to rebuild it by yourself.”

Divorcist co-founder Eliza Cussen — who’s married — is aiming for elevation:

“Our mission is to make divorce and separation dignified. We really saw the need … Women get the concept immediately — we’re trying to elevate divorce, separation and breakups to the same status as a life event. Not a happy one, but one that deserves recognition.”

Elizabeth Paulson, her cofounder, was twice married. Four transitional occasions — that’s a great way to outfit a countertop.

Elizabeth has dived deep into successful suiting — she penned the book 98 Ways to Find a Great Guy.

It is possible that numbers 99 or 100 were the ones responsible for these two divorces.

Either way, we’re certainly living in a world of celebration. It’s an era of flags and parades, as we’re told to celebrate diversity.

Everyone gets a trophy now; schools reconsider negative grades. On Facebook, it is easy to log your birthday and no one will ever forget.

It is an occasion of celebration, and now marriages will be the relationship in-between.

So if you’ve found that special someone, enjoy your premium aromatherapy diffuser. You can also send us the Vitamix if you think your farts smell more than their love.

My baby’s here🤍 @Vitamix pic.twitter.com/57zMGmObIq

— Satonya Rose 🌹 (@SatonyaRose) January 19, 2022

These can be used to cut up pictures of an ex.

The short life is not worth it, the love you have is difficult, and expensive weddings can be costly. Don’t be afraid to give it a shot.

Keep the receipts and write down your policies.

And if you get a divorce, don’t just do it for the swag.

-ALEX

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