Massive Macho Turkey Terrorizes Cyclists and Strollers in D.C. – Opinion

Washington D.C. has a lot of turkeys.

According to the Daily News, wild turkeys are terrorizing District of Columbia residents.

The Kenilworth Gardens are located just east of the United States National Arboretum. You will find the Anacostia river walk trail nearby.

Beleaguered birds have been seen along the trails, engulfing bikers and amblers while they go about their daily business.

One instance was when the bully with beard attacked DeDe Folarin, a cyclist.

Speaking to Washington’s WRC-TV, DeDe recounted the ruckus:

“It was a scary situation. Just riding along the path, this gigantic turkey just…jumps up towards my face…almost clawed me in the face. I was almost nearly knocked off my bicycle by it. And then it proceeded to chase me around for like five minutes.”

DeDe captured the altercation of the feathered freak on video.

She hollered for help, and daring DeDe took to task the taloned terrorist:

“I put the phone down, and I found…the biggest twig I could find. Then I got to work whacking the bird. He was whacking me twice, I mean. Feathers flew all over. He kind of…stepped off back into the brush.”

Wild turkeys are able to weigh in at 40 pounds according WUSA9. Among the heavy hooligan’s victims, at least one scratched and slashed unfortunate has reported seeking urgent care.

To be clear, the fowl fiend is far from alone in the area: As relayed by NBC4, “There have been multiple sightings of…turkeys along the trail dating back to November.” However, the D.C. Department of Environment’s Dan Rauch believes all the attacks have come courtesy of the same snooded psycho.

Dan’s tried to catch the culprit with various turkey calls, but he’s failed so far.

Yet, this massive menace remains incredibly macho

“This is a male, so It’s a pretty large turkey. It will let go of its wings when it sees people. The turkey will be on display. … If this turkey approaches you, I’d try to back up and move away. This turkey is large. Their spurs are visible. They can run, and they can fly.”

We’re living in targeted times. In the past several years, there have been many headlines praising crazed animals.

2020: New York Witnesses Assaults By Vicious Squirrels

Sex Pistol Johnny Rotten Socializes with Squirrels, Gets Fanged by Fleas – in His Punk Rock Pants

Beehold: The Return of the Murder Hornet

Their Name is ‘Brood’: America Prepares for a Plague of ‘Trillions’ of Locusts

It’s true: Monkey Gang Attacks Lab Assistant. They Escape with Coronavirus Bottles

The Gang of Angry Otters Gets Man Handling His Business

As for Washington’s wild wacko, wildlife authorities believe he’s simply defending his territory during breeding season. And what an enormous area it is: The raging romeo’s been sighted from the trail all the way to Maryland’s Bladensburg Marina.

Back to DeDe, WRC asked why he didn’t just run away.

As it turns out, it’s an insider TWA (Turkey With an Attitude) thing; if you’ve not peered into the eyes of the pecking Prince of Darkness, you wouldn’t understand:

“They can be very aggressive, they’re very fast. You’ve just never been attacked by a turkey before.”

Scarred but smarter, he’s now “riding around with a small hatchet and…turkey basters.”



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