Litter Box Class, Hall of Fame Masks, and Quebecois Gasps – Opinion

Our weekly recognition of less-than-meritorious excellence in journalism is worthy of Pulitzer Prize consideration.

As an extension of the media-mocking venture at Townhall, Riffed From The Headlines, we once again recognize the exalted performances in our journalism industry and compile worthy submissions to the Pulitzer Prize board in numerous categories. Let’s get to the best examples of journalistic failure-excellence in order to properly identify the low watermark in journalism.

Internationally Distinguished Reporting

  • Josh Freed — Montreal Gazette

Freed took a look into Florida’s COVID hellscape. From citizens going about their day to mask-adherents, Freed courageously covered the terrors from the frontlines. Local news was inappropriately blase’ about the pandemic, and he even witnessed a gasp-inducing episode of a restaurant patron who stood to leave…He shook hands with his waiter and then he took the cup from him.!!!

This hysterical dispatch lost all of its gravity with Freed’s opening admission. He was It is notSubmitted to Florida for assignment. It is notUndercover reports can be filed in the jungles of liberty. He stated that he fled the Canadian oppressive mandates, but was upset to find out that the state was not oppressing him at the same level as he ran from.

“I have a confession to make: I recently fled Quebec for a week, a refugee from Legault’s 2.0 curfew-and-confinement rules.”


Distinguished Sports Reporting

  • Major League Baseball Hall Of Fame

Major League Baseball caused some controversy this week when it announced that David Ortiz was the only person inducted into the Hall of Fame for the year. All the usual snarky rumours about those who were not inducted, such as Roger Clemens and Barry Bonds, was heard. Because of the alleged use of steroids. The player, who was middling in his career, and couldn’t play any field positions, became overnight a homerun machine. He was unchecked.

Ex-player Lenny Dykstra gave this example to show how absurd and politically the MLB HOF is becoming.


Distinguished Cultural Criticism

  • Liam Kelly — The Times UK

The downside to our cultural miasma today is the fact that celebrity chefs exist. Jamie Oliver is one of these celebrity chefs, and it appears he has a new cookbook. Based on his description of how experts have helped him to avoid cultural appropriation, I know I won’t be buying his cookbook.

Fusion cooking will be extremely challenging. Dubbed ‘offense advisors,’ what these professional cranks do is… I don’t know, tell him what not to cook, or such. Because it was written clearly for timid and meek people, I couldn’t read the rest of the article.


Internationally Distinguished Reporting

  • Samantha Ibrahim — New York Post

Minnie Mouse will be getting some makeovers. Stella McCartney has designed Minnie’s new wardrobe in celebration of the Euro-Disney30th anniversary. This new style features a dark and blue pantsuit. This does not look anything like pajamas.

Stella McCartney’s power suit is helping Minnie Mouse regain her power. Stella McCartney has designed Minnie Mouse’s very first pantsuit, and it’s gorgeous. “This new take on her signature polka dots makes Minnie Mouse a symbol of progress for a new generation,” she explained. “She will wear it in honor of Women’s History Month in March 2022.

Distinguished Investigative Reporting

  • Isabella Grullon Paz — New York Times

It would have been easy to believe that this story would make people stop and think about it. It took enough time for the story to reach national papers to be reported on.

It started with a comment at a school board meeting, which was later amplified by a Michigan state Republican leader, and culminated with a school superintendent explaining that, no, there were no litter boxes on school grounds for students to use if they identified as ”furries’.’ 

Distinguished Coverage Of Frozen Desserts

  • Josh Boak — Associated Press

The AP’s White House reporter Josh Boak was on the case of Joe Biden’s bustling schedule. Jen Psaki tried to describe how President Soft-Serve spent his day, but he went shopping, and then closed his office at 3pm. Boak was there to tell the story.

Josh bravely stated that people should be more concerned about a valid story, after he had received a fair amount of backlash for such a daring dose of reporting. It was lost on Mr. Boak that if there was a report that he felt people “should be reading,” then it should have been a reportHe should tweet in the first instance.

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