Instead of Wasting $300 Million on CNN+, CNN Could Have Bought 240,963 Pizzas

Thirty two days can’t be described as the end of an era, but we have reached the end of the CNN+ error. Just over a month after the streaming channel debuted, it bombed spectacularly and ended, officially, on Thursday. We brought you last week the items that survived longer than CNN+. The marriage of Pam Anderson with Kid Rock, New Coke, and carrots in your fridge are just a few examples. 

We ask a second question. CNN+: What else could CNN spend the $300 million reported by CNN? Let’s take a look. 

1. Buy 240,963 pepperoni pizzas: What’s better than a tasty pepperoni pizza? What about nearly a quarter of a million? At an average cost of $12.45, that’s about how many delightful pies you could get instead of a month of CNN+

2. Purchase 62 Tesla Model 3 cars: Right now, the Tesla Model 3 goes for $48,000. It may seem expensive. Instead of spending $300 million on an ineffective streaming service, buy 62 Tesla Model 3s to gift your loved ones and friends.  This would be a way to support Elon Musk, the new owner of Twitter. 

3. Produce a Star Wars James Bond film:Latest Star WarsBoth James Bond and James Bond films were under $300 million. CNN could have created some interesting movies, instead of streaming Brian Stelter. Are you sure that Chris Cuomo and CNN will make another 007 film?! We forgot to mention it. 

4. Enjoy cruising on this superyacht of 377 feet. CNN+ can be funded for up to 32 days. You also have the option of cruising around on your own super yacht with dance floors, movie theatres, beach clubs, gym, and spa.

5. Buy 25 replicas of Barack Obama’s home at Martha’s Vineyard: If yachting isn’t your thing, how about purchasing 25 exact duplicates of the Obama home on Martha’s Vineyard? It’s only $11.75 million per estate and doesn’t that sound more fun than CNN+? 

6. Secure the border with your help Instead of a yacht or a mansion, why not work to secure the border? With $300 million, you could build just 19 miles worth of fences. 

7. Be the proud owner 600,000.00 boxes of Twinkies: Sure, buying 600,000 ten-packs of sugary, yellow Twinkies might not be good for your health. But binging hour after hour of Stelter and Don Lemon on CNN+ isn’t either. 

Goodbye, CNN+! Be at ease.