CBS’s Stephen Colbert used Wednesday’s edition of The Late Show To express his disappointment at the Supreme Court’s decision in favor of a public praying high school football coach. According to Colbert’s less than brilliant analysis, the decision could lead the way to Satanic goat sacrifices at your local high school football game.
Even worse from Colbert’s perspective was the fact that this wasn’t the only win for religious liberty at the Court this term, or as he framed it, “[Carson v. Makin] was not the only ruling where the conservative majority shoved their religion down our state.”
This is the case, Kennedy v. Bremerton School District, was about Coach Joe Kennedy trying to “yank the First Amendment away from Charlie Brown.”
Colbert reported that, “In the majority decision here, Justice Gorsuch writes that the coach, ‘Offered his prayers quietly while his students were otherwise occupied.’ Okay, quietly. This sounds fine. Let’s check out those quiet prayers.”
Most people know that “quietly” isn’t the same thing as “silently” and that in an open-air football stadium quiet can be a relative term, but Colbert then played video footage from The Seattle Times 2015. Kennedy-led prayer, in attempt to prove his point.
It was not clear if the video had close-in footage. This may have given the illusion that the prayer was more loud than it actually was. Still, Colbert was not happy, reading from Politico he declared, “Okay, I enjoy praying, but, Jesus. Now, the praying got even less private during one homecoming game, when the coach was joined by ‘a state legislator and the media.’ ‘Spectators jumped over the fence to reach the field, and people tripped over cables and fell, and school band members were knocked over.’”
Colbert concluded his ramblings by asserting that “If the Court believes this type of Christian ritual is okay for public schools, then I’m sure they’ll be fine with every religion going varsity. I can’t wait for the Satanic cheerleaders: ‘D-E-V-I-L! C’mon team let’s burn in hell! Saaaaacrifice a goat!’”
Stephen, it isn’t the right analogy. It is not as if Bremerton High School cheerleaders was chanting “J-E-S-U-S!” That would arguably be establishing a state religion, the coach praying with some players after the game would not be, but it is not as if Colbert He was always able to locate the right analogy in this instance.
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The transcript of the show, which was held on June 29, is available here:
CBS The Late Show with Stephen Colbert
6/29/2022
11.45 pm ET
STEPHEN COLLBERT: It wasn’t the only case where the majority of conservatives pushed their religion out of our state. They also ruled in favor of a public high school football coach who prayed at midfield. [Blows Whistle] “Illegal procedure! Twelve apostles in the field. “The Center” [Blows Whistle]. There’s nothing the guys up in the sound booth like better than a whistle. [Blows Whistle]What is the deal?
At the center of the case was former coach Joe Kennedy, seen here about to yank the First Amendment away from Charlie Brown. Kennedy—Kennedy– sued his school district after they fired him for “engaging in public prayers on the field while flanked by student athletes after games.” According to the school, “players’ parents complained their children on the team felt compelled to participate.” Oh, I’m sure the students didn’t feel any pressure. Coaches famously don’t expect players to follow their leads: “Johnson, that’s your fifth fumble. Let’s take a turn… Do as much or less than you would like. You are the captain of your own journey.”
In the majority decision here, Justice Gorsuch writes that the coach, “Offered his prayers quietly while his students were otherwise occupied.” Okay, quietly. This sounds fine. Let’s check out those quiet prayers.
JOE KENNEDY: In Jesus’s name. Yes, Lord. Hallelujah. Praise Jesus. Amen.
STUDENTS: We love you, Jesus! Jesus!”
COLBERT: Okay, I enjoy praying, but, Jesus. Now, the praying got even less private during one homecoming game, when the coach was joined by “a state legislator and the media.” “Spectators jumped over the fence to reach the field, and people tripped over cables and fell, and school band members were knocked over.” The next night, they held a prayer vigil for the prayer victims. Prayers, thoughts and reflections. But if the Court believes– If the Court believes this type of Christian ritual is okay for public schools, then I’m sure they’ll be fine with every religion going varsity. I can’t wait for the Satanic cheerleaders: “D-e-v-I-l! C’mon team let’s burn in hell! Saaaaaacrifice one goat!”
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