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The Opinion 2021 Pulitzer Prize Parody Awards

By Pluralist / January 13, 2022

Honoring media scum from the previous year.

This column will highlight the foibles of the main media, as well as the disservices, distractions, and misdeeds. We chose those who are at the bottom of their field to recognize their efforts to abandon their missions statements, and their hard work in not performing their job.

So here’s to the various efforts made throughout the 2020 mutation that was the 2021 Variant, and…congratulations to the…winners…I guess…???

 

The Best Local Reporting

  • Hanan Kim – KCPQ Fox-13  In SeattleKim was attacked outside of a courthouse while conducting an interview – she was struck directly by her attacker, who threw a piece of cauliflower.
  •  Amanda BartlettThe San Francisco Gate Bartlett detailed the harrowing tale of patrons who were “trapped” on Disneyland’s Pirates of the Caribbean ride. They were “trapped” on Disneyland’s Pirates of the Caribbean ride. sitting in the boat for minutes After being taken to your destination, you will be directed off to leave the carriage.
  • Sun-Sentinel Editorial Board Broward County’s razor thin election results were covered by the paper. Only a few votes decided who won, while a small number of ballots went uncounted. The paper saw where the blame rested in the Democratic primary, in a deep blue county, run by a Dem election official, where the local post office failed to deliver the ballots in time – it was all Ron DeSantis’ fault.
  • Michael Lyle – Nevada Current  On the fiery subject of gerrymandering in Nevada the Democrat legislature is redrawing districts, and in so doing These people are actually hurting the chance of being reelectedof their own. Rep. Din Titus spoke to union officials in regards to her current condition. “I totally got f***ed by the Legislature on my district,” Sie said.
  • WINNER Miami Herald Editorial It turned out that the newspaper was using an artificial intelligence program for auto-generating features on local realty stories. Even more amusing than the apparent improvement in news reporting by this biased source was the fact that articles created by the robot received the greatest readership traffic.

Distinguished Sports Reporting

  • Jeff Van Gundy – ESPN Color announcers for NBA broadcasts were vocally annoyed by players refusing to take vaccines. While a game was underway, He punched into players who declared they were doing their own research into the vaccines, mocking them for not following medical experts – such as NBA color commentators like Jeff Van Gundy.
  • Bob Nightengale – USA Today  When the baseball writer was covering the World Series he declared he had long held the practice of not referring to the Atlanta baseball team by its hateful mascot name, The Braves. He had actually referred to them simply as The Braves Throughout the yearThis led to the newspaper stealingth-editing his articles. But, his Twitter feed shows otherwise received no such scrubbing.
  • USA Today Editorial Board  The paper ran an editorial from a female college athlete who described the numerous problems with allowing trans athletes to compete as women. After a protest from trans activists, the paper edited the athlete’s own commentsIn the opinion piece previously published.
  • ESPN Documentaries  The sports channel gave Bubba Wallace the chance to hype, once again, the fully discredited noose controversy, for some reason using its E-60 series for a 90-minute piece The debunked controversy. In it, Wallace repeated the claim it was a hateful noose and even said of select members of NASCAR who disputed the claim he has not forgiven them – over an incident that did not happen.
  • WINNER Kelli Stavast – NBC Sports  Stavast was unanimously elected to receive this award for her post-race interview on track with NASCAR Xfinity Series driver Brandon Brown. While speaking trackside the crowd began the “F— Joe Biden” chant, Stavast tried saving face by insisting they were chanting “Let’s Go, Brandon,” kicking off the cultural touchstone that has lived on for months.

 

 

Pulitzer Commemorative Rice Cake Award (Honouring journalism that is completely content-free)

  • Dani DiPlacido – Forbes It was not difficult to tell us about celebrities’ experiences with the pandemic. It was hard to find a more horrifying account than that of Gwyneth Paltrow, a carbohydrate-averse woman who had to be so restricted she needed to use the horrors of. eating bread during quarantine.
  • Mary Mrad, Chloe-Lee Longhetti, D. Lawrence – The Daily Mail  Thankfully the Aussie edition of the British rag was there to detail for us that during pandemic restrictions, Paul Hogan, actor, was scheduled to return homeAustralia. This is all he said; he was about to board a plane. Three reporters were needed to relay this information.
  •  Various Outlets  As reports from the red carpet at events go, they are already uniformly vapid. In Geneva however, new lows were reached as journalists waited for Joe Biden’s arrival to discuss the matter with Vladamir Poutine. Journalists saw reason to descend and report eagerly with microphones and cameras on what was transpiring…with the woman charged with vacuuming the red carpet.

 

  • Gabe Fernandez – San Francisco Gate  During a Monday Night Football game played during a torrential downpour, the cameras caught sight of a fan in the seats wearing some competitive swimmer’s gear. Fernandez did Some gumshoe-stunning work To track down the teenager fan and obtain the details,
  • WINNER Lee Respers France – CNN  Take already newsworthy-challenged celebrity news, reduce it to gossipy personal activity reporting, and you have pretty challenging content. Well, CNN’s entertainment reporter managed to take that flavor-free weak tea and dilute it even further with her report of two celebrities who went out together and Nothing happened: “Two Grammy-winning artists walk into a bar and … apparently they just drank. That’s according to Ed Sheeran, who says he took his friend Taylor Swift to a pub and no one noticed.”

 

Frozen Confections: A Distinguished Coverage  (President Biden inspired so much of such coverage the Committee created a new category to honor the work.)

  • Various Outlets  When the ice cream company/activists Ben & Jerry’s made the announcement they would be pulling business out of Israel’s occupied territory as a sign of Palestinian support, the press raved about the decision. It was not reported that the decision effectively prevented the sale of their product to the Palestine region. That was not mentioned. The announcement was received by many statesFunding for the company is obtained from retirement plans or state ventures.
  • Jennifer Jacobs – Bloomberg   Amid a brewing story about Hunter Biden and an illegal handgun, the press descended on the President to hammer with questions – Why did he give up Lent for this??! President Softserve outlined that sweets were on his banned list,He regretted that he was forced to give up ice cream during the time.
  • Drew Weisholtz – The Today Show  Olivia Rodrigo, a Disney singer and actress, recently visited The White House. (I don’t know why either.) Although she thought that President Biden initially gave her a commemorative Shoehorn, it turns out she was suffering from a brain freeze. The truth was that it turned out To actually become an ice cream scooper. 
  • Heather Haddon – Wall Street Journal  Many McDonald’s customers are fully aware of the frequency of the ice cream items on the menu being unavailable due to mechanical issues. Biden is now in charge. FTC is inYou can look into it. of the problem of Mcdonald’s McFlurry machines being offline so often.
  • WINNER – Various Outlets  The best example is the mass media swarming on President Biden. As he places an order for a cone of Cleveland. When asked what flavor he chose, the journalists audibly swooned as he announced “chocolate-chocolate chip!” He then was asked about what advice he had for the Republicans possibly blocking the Jan. 6 Commission and he stated, “EAt some chocolate-chocolate Chip.” The press broke out in applause.

 

The Best Coverage of Race Relations

  •  G. Daniela Galarza – Washington Post  The gastronomy writer has determined that there is a new form of intolerance found in food reporting – using the word “exotic” to describe dishes, or ingredients. Galarza, exotic, Indirectly, it increases the metaphysical distance between two groups of people and reinforces racism and xenophobia.Do not think she is making word salad. She was just too busy to even write 2,200 words.
  • Sammi Katz, Olivia McGiff – New York Times  In this foolish explorationAccording to the authors, American tiki cultures are racist. The problem – racist to whom? You can borrow elements from several countries and continents to make Tiki. Then you combine those influences to make completely original items. You cannot point out any cultural offending, there is no way. It feels good racist. Pour yourself a stiff multi-rum drink – This is an irritating farce that can cause migraines.
  • Darryl Fears – The Washington Post  There is a dire intolerance in the practice of birdwatching, but not where you would expect. It is not because this is a predominantly caucasian hobby or that there is white privilege built into it. Surprisingly. The problem rests with…the birds. Many avian species were named by racist ornithologists. Others with a troubled past. To change the designations, I think texts should be rewritten. Variegated Woke ThrushOder the Virtue-tailed Ibis.
  • Madeleine Stone – National Geographic  A reporter who is unable to provide a piece on race should simply find an article in the news that is causing more harm than good for minorities. Stone had to have known that she was up against a deadline in the summer when her statement was made. Fireworks were considered discriminatory. The air pollution caused by fireworks made in China seems to be more harmful than the rest of us, and is therefore unpatriotic.
  •  Erin Aubrey Kaplan – New York Times  A woman placed one of the mini-libraries in her home for neighbors living in the POC area where she lives. One day, she was very disturbed to see two white couples looking at her library. This made her realize that it was not an event. This would encourage gentrification in her region.
  • WINNER Anne Quito – CNN  You can also find a portion of our culture which is not yet being called intolerance. This is another sure-fire way to become a racist. CNN was the first to discover that CNN is not a traditional news source.Lettering is no longer offensive. Yes, it has been declared that the ‘Chop Suey Font’ is somehow hateful. Imagine how surprising this will be to Chinese residents to learn all this time they have been racist in using this type of lettering at Chinese restaurants – such as the one in the photo used in this feature.

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Pluralist

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