Safe COVID Respirating, Trial Celebrities Celebrating, and Johnny Cash Micturating – Opinion

Our weekly recognition of less-than-meritorious excellence in journalism is worthy of Pulitzer Prize consideration.

As an extension of the media-mocking venture at Townhall, Riffed From The Headlines, we once again recognize the exalted performances in our journalism industry and compile worthy submissions to the Pulitzer Prize board in numerous categories. Let’s get to the best examples of journalistic failure-excellence in order to properly identify the low watermarks within the media.

The Best Local Reporting

• Caitran Assaf – Fox News 16 Little Rock

The Arkansas-born country music star Johnny Cash is honored by a local water tower. His image is seen on a local water tower, which was the errant target of a  bullet. “Our water tower was shot by someone who took the Johnny Cash silhouette in sensitive areas.,” explained mayor Luke Neal, glancing up at the Man in Black. “It’s been leaking for the last almost week.”

Maybe the music legend should be rechristened “The Man In Yellow.”

Dateline: Kingsland, Arkansas—

The local water tower was hit by a stray bullet, which caused a constant leakage. You can call it serendipitous because it directly hit Johnny Cash’s silhouette, which is in an ideal spot to release such water. pic.twitter.com/4hcXHaKVol

— Lie-Able Sources (@LieAbleSources) June 5, 2022

Specialized Explanatory Reporting

• Candace McDuffie – Root

Now that the Johnny Depp/Amber Heard trial is over, we can all return to normal social dysfunction. This is in addition to the end of the fragmented media coverage. The Root managed to show a racial side to the story. Of course, the gripe-fest between two pampered and privileged white celebrities had to have a resonance and negative impact on black women…somehow.

Amber Heard Verdict Sends A Message To Black Women Everywhere https://t.co/Hq4z5Zcqm2 pic.twitter.com/JnoPg4zwWE

— The Root (@TheRoot) June 1, 2022

Distinguished Cultural Criticism

• Kelsey Weekman – BuzzFeed News

I am not going to give the Heard Depp trial any attention, but it does seem important that there is an outlet for tabulating who has sided in the verdict. I have to assume this, based on Buzzfeed spending the effort tabulating which celebrities backed which celebrity in the celebrity trial-of-the-sedentary.

Here’s a list of all the celebrities and influencers who have liked Johnny Depp’s and Amber Heard’s Instagram posts about the defamation trialhttps://t.co/qya3sFQ0Hp

— kelsey weekman (@kelsaywhat) June 2, 2022

Distinguished National Reporting

• Kevin Fallon – The Daily Beast

With COVID on the wane, the press is losing out on a regular item in its arsenal of hysteria, namely blaming Ron DeSantis for — well, anything pandemic related. Kevin Fallon, a writer at the Daily Beast refuses to give up on this beloved ritual. A case was presented by Kevin Fallon of a principal suffering from COVID. The man died just recently. Of course, this was blamed on DeSantis… opening schools nearly two years ago.

The state has over 15,000 public schools, with perhaps a hundred thousand teachers leading millions of students.
A principal dies after only a few years of life is deemed a failure in the decision.
This is about the most absurd report you will find. https://t.co/YMxWskY95o

— Brad Slager 🍸🥃🍺🎙 Lifetime Subscriber to CNN+ (@MartiniShark) June 1, 2022

Distinguished Investigative Reporting

It is good to know that there are warriors for truth who work on our behalf and make sure that we don’t get duped by posts made via social media. They are the truth. CouldIt is a waste of time to verify the claims made Joe Biden, the administration.

Instead, in martyrlike fashion, it was spent telling us that Florida Man’s story about him turning himself in for his murder of imaginary friend is not true. This information was based upon a parody account written seven years earlier.

A Florida man didn’t murder his “imaginary friend” and turned himself in.”https://t.co/ejtw2l42FE

— Poynter (@Poynter) June 3, 2022

Distinguished Public Service

• Savannah Meacham – Nine News Sydney Australia

Another update on COVID, this one from Australia. In a deeply helpful segment, we learn that if you are intent on saving someone’s life, you can be assured you are not spreading COVID if you keep your mask in place while administering CPR.

COVID-19-related deaths in Australia remain high. New research from around the world has shown that mouth-to–mouth CPR can be performed while wearing a facemask to prevent this virus. #9Newshttps://t.co/2QCbdiMRJg

— 9News Australia (@9NewsAUS) June 3, 2022

International Excellence in Reporting

• Robert Barron – Grand Forks Gazette

Vancouver’s area school had an unfortunate encounter with a bear. The black bear seemed to be very interested in the garbage area. A determined music teacher intervened to remove the ursine from the school.

Trombone sends bear packing at St. John’s Academy on Vancouver Island https://t.co/ujhk4uIt0V

— Grand Forks Gazette (@GrandForksGaz) June 2, 2022