NASCAR’s Hamlin Sentenced to Sensitivity Gulag for Tweet

Did you know that NASCAR has a jail for political criminals, out of all the organizations? It’s true. The sport of good ol’ boy bootleggers is now run by humorless apparatchiks enforcing speech codes.

According to Yahoo, “NASCAR on Tuesday ordered Denny Hamlin to begin sensitivity training this week after he posted an anti-Asian meme from the television comedy ‘Family Guy’ to criticize Kyle Larson’s driving on the last lap at Talladega Superspeedway over the weekend.”

To translate “anti-Asian” from commissar speak, the meme featured “an Asian woman speaks in choppy English before moving across six lanes of traffic with no warning.” Make’s one’s blood run cold, doesn’t it? 

What’s worse, Yahoo says Hamlin’s cartoon atrocity “was up nearly seven hours before he deleted it right before midnight.” Hopefully, NASCAR warned the CDC to expect a spike in traumatized Asian Americans seeking emergency mental health services.

NASCAR’s rulebook prohibits any “communication that criticizes, ridicules, or otherwise disparages another person based upon that person’s race, color, creed, national origin, gender, sexual orientation, marital status, religion, age, or handicapping condition.”

Thankfully, many right-thinking young Red Guards on Twitter pointed out Hamlin’s ideological error. Hamlin was rightfully brokenhearted.

 ‘I took down a post I made earlier today after reading some of the comments,’ he wrote. ‘It was a poor choice of memes and I saw how it was offensive. It came across totally wrong.’ 

The history: Hamlin has won the Daytona 500 three times as a driver/owner. Kyle Larson did a maneuver that caused two vehicles to crash on Talladega’s last lap. Hamlin was the owner of those cars. Hamlin and Larson are good friends. Kyle Larson is half Japanese. Kyle Larson was also suspended last year for using an insensitive racial term during an online race. Hamlin’s race team includes Bubba Wallace, NASCAR’s only black driver (he who decided to mistake a garage door pull for a noose a couple of years ago.)

NASCAR decided to not have Hamlin disassembled by two stock cars due to the complex history of Hamlin and interconnected relationships. This is a customary practice for serious thoughts crimes.

After his time in sensitivity re-education camp, Hamlin will be assigned to a collectivized farm in a distant province until NASCAR judges his counter-revolutionary tendencies to have been corrected.