Helmeted Teacher Launches Expletive-Filled Rant, Calls Students ‘Vectors of Disease’ – Opinion

WARNING! The following article uses explicit language.

What kind of teachers are on offer via America’s educational establishment? You can be sure that they cover all bases.

But for an indelible example of one end of the spectrum, look no further than a recent course introduction at Michigan’s Ferris State University.

Professor Barry Mehler was a great instructor during a Zoom class.

It’s been said that with age goes self-consciousness, and the professor’s living proof.

According to The Washington Post’s 14-minute video, it shows an instructor wearing what appears like a space helmet.

According to his description, he’s just returned from “Rigel 7.”

“The intergalactic internet is all abuzz about this planet,” he notes, where “civilization is collapsing.”

The academic clearly calls for COVID.

“I don’t know whether you people have noticed, but it’s dangerous to breathe the air. … [L]ife on your planet is going extinct.”

After removing his helmet, he gives an expletive-filled lesson.

“I want to introduce myself before we actually meet ‘F’ to ‘F,’ as we say these days, which everybody knows means ‘f— to f—‘ — which really means that we’re all f—ed.”

Barry informs the class there’s “no benefit whatsoever from coming to class,” and that he’ll not be taking any questions in person.

“[I]’m wearing this f—ing helmet in order to stay alive,” he explains. “So please come. Enjoy the show. I’ll be there regularly because I have no choice. You, on the other hand…”

He has a strict attendance policy.

“My classes are all designed to be taught remotely, and everything you need to earn an ‘A’ is available to you on our Canvas page.”

But it seems students won’t require those resources:

“None of you c—s—ers are good enough to earn an ‘A’ in my class. Before the start of class, I assign random grades. I don’t want to know sh– about you. I don’t even want to know your name. Just look at it, and then I will assign you a grade. That is how predestination works.”

Barry then continues to deliver a defiant monologue, which Barry would find right at home. Goodfellas.

Tenure trumps all:

“I may have f—ed up my life flatter than hammered sh–. But I stand before you today beholden to no human c—s—er. And working a paid, f—ing union job. And no limber-d— c—s—er of an administrator is going to tell me how to teach my classes. Because I’m a tenured professor. So if you want to go complain to your dean, f— you. Go ahead. I’m retiring at the end of this year, and I couldn’t give a flying f— any longer.”

Later, he plays an episode of the TV show. DeadwoodThis clearly gave rise to the above rant.

The professor presents then an objective lesson about plagiarism.

As for his “show,” that’s something called “More Bad News, brought to you by Camel cigarettes.”

When I was your age,” he says, “more doctors smoked Camels than any other cigarette.”

He pivots towards capitalism after a short black-and white commercial.

“[P]All over the globe, people smoke cigarettes. That was one of America’s greatest achievements. We saw it as…a way to make huge profits off of an addictive product that would eventually kill you. Pure capitalism — turning death into profit.”

For those game to see the “show” in person, expect more spacesuit exploits:

“When you see me next week, I’ll be wearing this helmet. The helmet costs 300 dollars. It’s got HEPA filters all around it…so that it protects both me and you from this deadly virus that’s going around.”

But he hopes it isn’t needed:

“You people are just vectors of disease to me, and I don’t want to be anywhere near you. So keep your f—ing distance. If you want to talk to me, come to my Zoom.”

Please watch this video at your own risk.

Not everyone was impressed by the professor’s panache. As reported by The Associated Press, he’s been suspended.

Ferris State President David Eisler said he was “shocked and appalled” by the video, which has been viewed nearly 500,000 times. Mehler (74) was put on leave and banned from giving classes during the investigation.

In response, he’s threatening to sue.

Matthew Hoffer, attorney

“The university should be celebrating and defending Dr. Mehler, not summarily disciplining him.”

Per the AP, “[Barry] said the video was a humorous performance intended to get his students’ ‘juices flowing.’”

It was delicious, okay.

American professors used to be a symbol of class and dignity. We are long past the time of the bowtie.

For me, an eccentric professor is a good thing. But Barry — being that he’s from Rigel 7 — is out of this world.

He may now be out of school.

-ALEX

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