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Millennial Shocked to Learn That He Should’ve Been Washing His Own Penis for Last 20 Years

Millennial Shocked to Learn That He Should’ve Been Washing His Own Penis for Last 20 Years

“If you take nothing away today, just this, just wash your penis darling.”

A 24-year-old bartender was shocked to learn that he should have been regularly washing his penis over the course of his life.

The young British man, identified as Zack, appeared on Wednesday’s episode of “The Sex Clinic,” a popular E4 TV show, to have his member inspected. He complained that for the past six-to-nine months it had emitted a “nasty smell” and the tip was irritated.

Zack did not seem to have previously connected the symptoms to his behavior. But by his account, he had a history of sexually transmitted disease and had not thoroughly washed his penis in more than two decades.

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In his first medical session, with nurse Sarah Mulindwa, Zack reported that after sex ― which he said was frequent due to women “throwing themselves” at him ― his foreskin would get jammed behind the head of his manhood. Sometimes, he said, he would spend days trying to get it back in place.

Not only that, Zack said, but his phallus felt too tight, leaving him unable to reach orgasm and feeling that his penis had “failed him.” He wondered if he might be experiencing belated growth.

After assuring Zack that he was as big as he was going to get, nurse Sarah sent him to Dr. Naomi Sutton for a physical examination. However, the evaluation hit a roadblock when neither Dr. Naomi nor Zack proved able to fully pull back Zack’s foreskin without causing him intense pain.

Nevertheless, Dr. Naomi persisted and eventually reached a diagnosis: Zack had a build-up of smegma, which as the show helpfully explained, is commonly known as “dick cheese.”

Asked about his penis hygiene, Zack said that he suffices with washing his shaft and balls– gesturing lackadaisically in a circular motion as if to indicate that he didn’t like to get too involved in that area. He said that he never pulls the foreskin back because it seems too sensitive underneath.

Apparently bemused, Dr. Sarah advised: “If you take nothing away today, just this, just wash your penis darling.”

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In the end-of-show debrief, Zack shed further light on how he had potentially developed such rancid genitals, detailing his experiences with Gonorrhea and “the clap,” which he did not seem to realize are different names for the same disease. Zack also averred that no one had ever explained to him that he should scrub beneath his foreskin.

Zack’s failure to keep his penis minimally clean accords with popular stereotypes of millennials. Members of the generation are said to be unable to take care of themselves and unwilling to take responsibility for their lives. They have not helped their cause by coining the term “adulting” to congratulate themselves for doing basic daily tasks, like the laundry.

However, Zack stands out from his cohort by at least one metric. Whereas research has shown millennials to be relatively prude by historical standards, he claimed to have had sex with at least “40 lasses,” at least some of it apparently unprotected.

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Cover image: Zack gets his penis examined by Dr. Naomi Sutton on an Episode of E4’s “Sex Clinic” that aired Feb. 6, 2019. (Screen grab)



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